So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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