woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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