5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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