The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
