and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
