I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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