It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
