I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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