I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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