Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize