I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
