Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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