I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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