So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
