I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
