Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
