Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
