we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
