I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
farters have to be the big spoon...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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