As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
