And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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