Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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