I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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