I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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