Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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