i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
