Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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