Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize