Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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