So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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