I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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