Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
