where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
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