Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need to calm my uterus...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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