mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
