Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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