I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
