um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i've created a new STD.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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