I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
