Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
