are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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