; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
