I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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