she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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