she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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