'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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