Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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