4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize