Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
sarcasm needs its own font
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
