she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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