"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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