He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
