Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
