sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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