quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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