We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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