Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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