I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ladies don't puke and tell
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
