it was like eating out sand paper
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
