You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
