I accidentally had phone sex last night
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
