I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
