He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
