you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize