This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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