dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
