just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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