All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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